17 - Putting God Ahead Of Your Heart

Day 13.  One of the challenges of writing this series on my mom’s response to the Purpose Driven Life is that I must try to filter what she emphasized through the life that I remember.  That is like seeing the tip of an iceberg and assuming that it is like an ice cube when it is really like a mountain floating in the sea.  All you can see it the pinnacle.  There is so much more that remains unseen.  I must resist the temptation of imagining in lieu of knowing.  So, as I scan the pages of the book, I wait for something to catch hold of a memory. 

"There is nothing, absolutely nothing, more important than developing a friendship with God.” ^{(p99 note)} I remember after coming back from Vietnam, I stayed at the house for a while.  Recall, I returned to a transformed house.  A place that honored God first and foremost.  Well, I returned with some habits that were consistent with Mom and Don’s old life, but not their new one.  The music I listened to.  Some of the music used God’s name in vain.  Racy for the 1970’s.  I would bring beer into the house and Mom would toss it in the trash.  I would smoke cigarettes in the house. All these things that had once been “acceptable” were no more.  I was disrespecting my parents, but I really didn’t care.

I drank excessively after I returned from Vietnam.  Alcohol was the “drug of choice” for generations of veterans coping with PTSD after returning from war.  It was not any different for me. One day, I was in the truck on a delivery with Don.  He said “Your mom packed your bags and put them on the porch.  You will have to find some place to live.” I knew that I deserved it.  I called one of my sisters and she helped me find an apartment, that day.

I am convinced that mom’s decision was a difficult one for her.  And yet, she chose to honor God even if it meant rejecting me, my life choices really.  We are faced with decisions like that every day.  If there are children, brothers and sisters, friends that contend for your devotion, that demand that you choose them over God, I want you to know that it is normal.  And it is difficult.

Your heart may say “embrace your children.” No matter what.  Even if it means embracing their sin and rejecting God’s truth. Mom and I never talked about that day.  We didn’t need to. So what would have happened if she had tolerated it?  I would have continued to disrespect them and their new way of life.  I might even have represented a temptation in my doing the very things that were no longer part of their lives.  I really don’t know.  But I do know that it is a lesson I will not forget.  It is a lesson that has shaped me and helped me understand that we will have to make difficult choices.  Choices that require putting God ahead of our hearts.

(Luke 9:59-62) “He [Jesus] said to another man, “Follow me.” But he replied, Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.” Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

There will always be a tension created by the demands between our old and new natures. Listening to someone you love tell you that you are not a good person, even a good Christian, if you choose God over them can be heart wrenching. Like Lot’s wife who looked back to Sodom after God sent them away from the city to spare their lives.  Her heart never left the city.  To live our new life requires faith in God. Don’t expect the world, even your family, to rejoice when you say “no” to them and “yes” to God.  Mom was willing to make that choice.  Over the years, Martie and I have had to make that choice.  Was it easy? No.  Was it necessary? Absolutely.  Will they like you for it? Probably not.  Will it cause division? Perhaps. Can you do it? Yes, but it requires spiritual discernment and the power of God in your life which results from your choosing God above all else. Thanks you Mom! Thank you Jesus!

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan.

16 - Glorifying God In The Midst Of A Storm

Glorifying God In The Midst Of A Storm

Day 7.  I can’t begin to address all of the text that mom highlighted in the book. Certainly, every annotation was an indication that what was written spoke to her heart in some way.  It would not be appropriate for me to “imagine” what she was thinking. But, I think I can speak to some of the points that she thought were significant at the time. 

"Everything Is For His Glory.” Romans 11:36 ^{(p53 note)} What is the scope of “everything” do you think?  Does “everything” encompass all of the good, the bad and the ugly?  Are you willing to allow God to use your life, your joys and your sorrows for His glory?  So, what is His Glory? I “GOOGLED” it in hopes of sounding brilliant.  No luck! So, let’s just say that God is good and God is great.  He alone deserves all the credit.  Jesus, when called good, said “Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone.” (Mark 10:18) God is always sovereign. 

“Living the rest of your life for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else.”  ^{(p 57 note)} My daughter describes it as needing to change the people, places and things in your life, if you are going to live for God’s glory. (2 Corinthians 4:8-12) “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

Revealing Jesus in our lives, by the way we respond to life’s events brings glory to God.  As I reviewed my mom’s reaction to the truths that Rick Warren shared in PDL, I realized just how much I under-appreciated the way that she persevered in her loss of the most important person in her life.  You know, it is so easy to trivialize the loss of a husband or wife or child.  We all know about the grief process.  But for the most part, we just want the person to “get over it”, to “move on”.  I am feeling very convicted because of my lack of compassion and understanding.  Perhaps that is one reason why the Lord has had me helping so many widows here in Texas. (James 1:27) “…Visiting the widows in their affliction…”. If, you are going to do that, it is going to cost you something.  Many, if not most, are not willing to pay the price.  We don’t mind putting our feet in the water, but we have no intention of jumping in the pool.   I think we can be very selfish in that regard.  We want people to get past their pain so we can be more comfortable around them.  Our concern is really not about them at all. Does that sound harsh? The truth often does. (Proverbs 27:6) “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

I have worked with a lot of volunteers over the years.  I have met so many wonderful people.  But amongst those wonderful people are those that are clearly more concerned about what they, personally, are getting out of the experience.  The people they are helping are just a means to find personal gratification. As soon as the volunteer returns home, the people they helped are forgotten.  That is the danger I am speaking of.  We must be on our guard, lest we, ourselves, fall.

I cannot get over the memory of my mom standing at the back door. Silently, seemingly lost in her memories and perhaps longings for days gone by and looking to the hills in her hope for the eternity to come. “Charley.  Do you think Don remembers me?” So telling.  I know now that she was asking a much bigger question.

Isn’t this a curious life we live?  On the one hand we live under the consequences of Adam’s fateful decision. At the same time, we live with an eternal hope which helps us see beyond our times of trouble to that distant land that draws nearer day by day.  

15 - What Do You See When You Look Out Your Back Door?

Day 6.  “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away.” Psalm 39:4 ^{(p47 note)}

Mom highlighted that verse.  Did days seem to drag on for her?  Was she anticipating the day when she would be with Jesus and Don in heaven?  Does that sound morbid?  Well, it’s not. God has numbered our days on this earth.  Just enough days to accomplish His purpose that was established before the earth was formed. It would be a mistake to think that at some point we should just sit around and wait for that day.  Like someone once said, “The Bible does not speak of retirement.”  Mom’s ministry was not as vibrant as it had been, but she remained a student of the Word and encourager of the Saints. Still, my mind keeps going back to the picture of her staring out the back door at the sunset.  What did she see?  What was she thinking about? 

“If you call God your Father, live your time as temporary residents  on earth.” 1 Peter 1:17  ^{(p 48 note)} 

Mom highlighted the verse and underlined “temporary residents”. If we can believe that and embrace that, it will radically change our attitude about what is important in life.  If you watch TV, the answer is living large, being comfortable, retiring with as much money as you can. But if you are only here temporarily, why do you have a death grip on earthly treasures?  I think mom got it.  Although she lived in a very nice house, that was not what was important to her.  She was, “satisfied with just a cottage below. A little silver and a little gold. But in that city where the ransomed will shine. [She wants] a gold one that's silver lined.  [She’s] got a mansion just over the hilltop In that bright land where we'll never grow old. And some day yonder we'll never more wander. But walk on streets that are purest gold”.  (Daniel O'Donnell - Mansion Over The Hilltop Lyrics)

 “We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 ^{(p50 note)} 

She highlighted this verse as well.  I think that what mom saw when she looked at the sunset out of her back door was the eternal.  How about you?  What do you see when you look out your back door?

“At death you won’t leave home – you will go home” ^{(p51 note)} That too was highlighted. If you believed that, your life will be less filled with worries and frustration.  To believe it means you must have a spiritual perspective on your life on this planet. To have a spiritual perspective you must make the effort to draw close to God and distance yourself from the things of this world and the things that your culture says are the measures of a successful life.  I will leave you with a couple of verses to think about.

1 John 2:15 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.”

Joshua 1:8-9 “Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.  This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

On the lighter side.  While in Saudi Arabia during Desert Shield and Desert Storm, I served on 3^rd Army Staff – G-3 Aviation Operations.  Mom was convinced I was General Schwarzkopf’s right-hand man. Not true.  He was commander in chief of Central Command.  She would watch his briefings on CNN, hoping to catch a glimpse of me.  I never even saw the guy. Anyway, she had my picture standing on a rooftop in Riyadh printed on a sweatshirt.  Many people thought I had been killed and offered her their condolences.  That was my mom!

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

14 - Standing The Test – What Does God Want From Me?

Day 5.  “Life Is A Test” ^{(page 42 note)} Mom’s character, faith, hope and love for others was tested after Don passed.  Really, there were three landmarks in her life.  In 1925 when she was born naturally.  In 1969 when she was born supernaturally. And in 1999 when the love of her life passed into eternity.  When we would visit her after that time, I would watch her.  She seemed distant, distracted, contemplative.  She would stand at the back-patio door and stare out over the fields and farms. She would watch the setting sun.  Was she waiting for the day when the Lord would call her home, too?  She seemed to be. 

God uses testing to refine us: but for what purpose? When we go to heaven we will be like Jesus … “no more cryin’ there .. we are going to see the king – soon and very soon”. In the blink of an eye she would say and then snap her fingers.  She would have a twinkle in her eyes. 

Since coming to Houston to help with Hurricane Harvey Recovery, we have been honored to meet with a number of widows.  They are all being tested, but why them, why not the husband?  Bondye Konnen.  That is Creole for God knows. 

God tested Hezekiah’s heart.  (2 Chronicles 32:31) Certainly, He tested mom’s.  My conclusion ... so long as we have breath, God will test us to cause our light to shine brighter each day that we walk on this planet.

“Well done good and faithful servant.” Matthew 25:21 ^{(page 45 note)} Next to that scripture she wrote “Don”. Don’s name shows up throughout this book.  Oh, how she loved Him and oh, how she admired him for the way he lived out his faith.  

Rick Warren wrote “money is the greatest test of all. God watches how we use money to test how trustworthy we are.” ^{(page 46 note)}  She circled that.  For some reason she struggled with that.  When Rick Warren asked “Can you be trusted with spiritual riches?” ^{(page 46 note)}, she wrote, “I am not sure at this moment.”  This is where I would like to be able to ask what she meant by that.  She seemed to be a very good steward of the money she had to live on.  Perhaps she struggled with how she lived as compared to other people in this world.  I don’t really know.  What I do know is that God will test us, even in and, perhaps, especially in those things in which we might think we are strong, lest we think that we can do it without God.  

Could it be that mom loved Don more than she loved God? I can see where that might be an issue.  Does that mean that God would call Don to heaven to test mom?  No, I don’t think so.  Could it be that God would test mom’s heart after Don passed to see whom she loved more?  Perhaps.  When someone like Don is, well, like Jesus. Perhaps sometimes it is hard to distinguish the two apart.  But, Bondye Konnen.

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

13 - Will My Husband Remember Me When I Get To Heaven

Day 4.  Philippians 3:7-9 “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.”

Part of our transformation is a realignment of our values.  Romans 12:2 says “don’t be conformed to this world but be transformed”. It is such a difficult thing or at least it can be difficult, to put the world and what it values in the back seat.  I really don’t know what mom valued before her transformation, but I could see clearly that she was passionate about people after her rebirth.  Recall the four older kids could not, would not, refused to believe that the changes we saw in her were real and permanent.  But, they were as time would tell.  The draw to return to the old nature and its passions is constant, relentless.  And like the frog in the pot, what seems innocent, even enjoyable will eventually cook you.  You will find yourself with a heart far away from God wondering how you got there. (What passion has God given you?) 

“if you have a relationship with God through Jesus, you don’t need to fear death. It is the door to eternity.” ^{(p40 note)} Mom thought of Don, often.  Perhaps constantly.  One day she asked me if I thought he still remembered her. (like she still remembered him I suppose) Wow! Tough question. How does the marriage relationship, biblical marriage between two Christians translate to living eternally in heaven?  (Matthew 22:25-30) “Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. Finally, the woman died. Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” Why does God create us to have an affection for one another, beyond being fruitful and multiplying?  Martie and I have been married for as many years as mom and Don had been married when Don passed on to eternity. We know how the relationship deepens.  We know how the bond grows. Stronger by the day.  So, the question is “Is that it?” When one of you passes is that the limit of the relationship?  I wish I had the answer to that question.  I hope it’s not the end, and yet, God’s ways are not our ways.  What will happen, moment by moment in heaven is a mystery.  Certainly, there is a lot of conjecture and interpretations, but aside from Matthew 22, I don’t think the Bible is explicit about past relationships.  Certainly, there have been a lot of songs written, “Will The Circle Be Unbroken” for one.  There are some things we know for certain, and other things not so much.

 So what did I say to her? Actually, I didn’t answer her question. Her real question was “Charley, given that I love Don so much, will our relationship be the same in heaven?” It would have been so easy to say “Yes mom.  You know God wants you to be happy and if that is what it takes to make you happy, well …” Can’t tell you how many times I have heard a line like that.  Instead, like a man, I dodged the question.  I said, “Mom, you know what the Word says about one day in heaven. In 2 Peter 3:8–9 it says “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” She said “That’s correct.”  “Well”, I said, I did the math.  Did you know that using heaven’s standard that Don has been in heaven for 15 seconds?  He is just figuring out where he is!” She smiled. I am glad she didn’t say what she was thinking.

Martie and I were at mom’s beside when she passed.  I saw no fear only peace.  I didn’t know the answer before that day, but now she knows the answer.  And whatever the answer is, I am pretty certain that it is OK by her.

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

12 - Don’t Be A Christian Crippled By Your Past – You Have Been Set Free

Highlighted by mom, “Everyone’s life is driven by something”. ^{(p27 note)}  It’s true.  I wondered, what was driving her life?  Then she underlined “painful memory”. ^{(p27 note)}  Mom kept her past “close to her vest”.  Everyone has one or more negative events that have impacted them at some point, both before and after their new birth.  The magnitude of the event varies from person to person, but those events can shape us, numb us, even isolate us.  I would tell my children, “The worst thing you have experienced is the worst thing you know.”  What they might see as a catastrophe in their lives may, in fact, be trivial compared to the hardships that many others face.  But it is the worst thing they have experienced, so how could it get any worse?  Answer, you don’t want to know.  Life can impact us in significant and debilitating ways.  I recall when I brought up my feelings about my mom divorcing my dad.  She snapped back – “Don’t try to send me on a guilt trip!” I had no idea what she was talking about.  I had innocently pressed the wrong button.   I had agitated a festering wound.  That ever happen to you or with you?  Let me add that years later we had some very healthy conversations about her divorce, but that was after her second beginning.

She underlined “They allow their past to control their future.” ^{(p27 note)} As children, by default, we don’t think of our parents as people with a past, sinners just like us, but they are.  And if you have children, by default, they don’t think of you that way either.  When you prove them wrong, when your feet of clay, your sinful and fallible self is exposed, well, it can make for a difficult family dynamic.  But, not one that God cannot heal and bring restoration.

“We are products of our past but don’t have to be prisoners of it.” ^{(p28 note)}  Did she feel like a prisoner, captured by her guilt over past sins?  She knew that her sins were forgiven, just like we know our sins are forgiven, and yet many times we have difficulty living in that truth.

She circled “happiness” and “relief”.  ^{(p28 note)} I wondered, is that what she felt or hoped to feel?  I prefer to think the former and not the latter.  Happiness and relief is the result of receiving and accepting forgiveness.  We can know that we are forgiven but we don’t live in the reality of being forgiven.  Very often there is a reminder of the consequence of our sin, like a son sharing his feelings about how a mother’s choices weighed heavy on his life.  As I said, at the time that I asked the question, my mom was not a Believer.   What did she have to offer me?  She needed forgiveness herself; restoration with the Father through the Son by faith before she could point me to Jesus. Which by the way she did later.

She underlined “Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent.”  ^{(p30 Note)} Who did she resent?  My father for one, I think.  Did she still resent him at the time she was reading that book?  Was God speaking to her heart?  Oh, how I wish I could ask her these questions.  Did reading this cause her to go to her knees and seek healing and help from the Lord?

Today our culture treats a broken marriage relationship like it was merely a high school crush.  It is so much more. It is a covenant between two people and with God.  It always brings brokenness. I did not say that God cannot bring healing, but we must not pretend that it is not a grievous act that ripples through generations not yet born. 

What about you?  Resentment leads to bitterness.  Bitterness is a thief that steals your joy and peace.  We have some pans that have metal handles.  When you cook with them, guess what, the handles get hot, really hot.  When you forget and grab the handles (any guesses about who might have done this?) you burn your hand.  Your immediate reflex is to pull your hand away.  To let go of the pot.  Why would you choose to hang on to the pot?  The same question applies to resentment.  Resentment will burn your heart.  Why would you want to hang on to it? Well, because you are convinced that you can’t let go of it.  No matter how much it hurts.  But you can! You can give it to Jesus.  (Matthew 11:28-29) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” 

One of Martie’s, my wife, favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Mom underlined that too.  God had indeed done that in her life.  We must not allow our old nature, our past sins and tragedies in our lives to control our lives.  In John 10:10, Jesus said “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”  It’s true and it’s within your grasp. And the handle on that pan is not hot.

Mom wrote 

Psalm 32:1-5 “All my guilt is gone”
Now I experience, happiness, joy, relief.

How awesome is that! If I had any doubts, they were dispelled when I read that proclamation.  Mom had no idea that years later I would be reading her private words. Let alone that I would be sharing them with others. As strong of a Christian that she surely was, she was mortal, she had a past, but she was covered by the blood of the Lamb.  And in Him, she had happiness, joy and relief.

The same can be said for you, friend. In fact, that is my prayer and my purpose for writing this BLOG.  It’s for you!  I told a friend today that my writings are like a balloon filled with helium.  I release and let the wind take it where it may.  And so, I release the writings and let the Spirit take them where He may.  All to the glory of God.

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

10 - We Are A Masterpiece Planned

Mea Culpa - I got ahead of myself.  I left this post out.

So, we are just about there, just about to Day 1. Right next to the first page of Day 1 (page 17) is something mom wrote and titled "The Masterpiece Planned" I will put my comments in itallics. Her comments are in bold.

Her notes and comments set the stage as she entered into the study of God's purposes for her life.  Knowing who she is with and without God. Establishing the foundation and context for her study of this book.  Remarkable. We would be well served to spend some time reflecting on how great a salvation before we storm into reading the Bible or attending a Bible Study or Church service.  We all need to step back and reconsider whose we are.

The focus of attention is on God not on sinful man. It is so easy to allow the focus to turn to us and away from God. It takes discipline to prevent it.

God works through us. I can do nothing that pleases God but He can do great things through me.

(Ephesians 2:10) "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

We are saved by a faith that works.

(Flesh - Galatians 5:19-21) "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" 

The acts of the sinful nature used to define us. That is who we were before our new beginning. We should not live like that anymore and don't have to live like that anymore.

"Good Works" a new nature. James said that faith without works is dead.  That is because Good works - the fruit of the Spirit - are a natural result of our new life in Christ. If there is no evidence of fruit - good works - there is a problem in the heart.

"Let your light shine" (Matthew 5:16) "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." 

Good works deeds-fruit are to glorify God.

We do not manufacture good works. They are a result of the work of God in our hearts. When a young man called Jesus "Good Teacher" Jesus responded by saying "Why do you call Me good? No one is good except the Father alone" (Mark 10:18) If there is any good in us, the source of the good is God the Father.

Secret - "Grace of God" (1 Cor 15:10) "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." It is by God's grace that I have a new beginning, that any good works are produced through me.  I am as helpless as I was before my new beginning. (Hebrews 11:6) "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Our Good works is evidence that we are born again. When I preached in Haitian churches I would use the example of a Mango tree.  They are everywhere in Haiti.  As common as oak trees here.  I would say “If you tell me you are a Mango tree, but when I come to gather some Mangos, all I find are sour oranges, I must believe that you are not a Mango tree at all. You are a sour orange tree.”  In the same way, our faith produces change – more like Jesus – and good works bringing glory to the Father.  If they are not there – no Mangos, then what conclusion must I draw?

Good works are through Christ, working through us. “God prepared in advance” He created us & prepared good works for us to do. I never had a discussion about works with mom, but saw the evidence in her life – I saw the Mangos hanging abundantly from her branches.

Christ is our example in good works. John 13:14,15

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”

Phil 1:6 We are confident

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

The more I read the more I am in awe of the great work God did in and through my mom’s life!  

This is part of a comment a friend posted in response to this BLOG.

“Charley, I don’t have anyone in my family that is Godly but love to hear about those who do.”  

My heart hurts for my friend.  I regret so much that have I taken for granted having enjoyed the blessing of the new beginnings in my family.  As I wrote to a friend in Haiti this morning in response to him writing “Bondye Beniw ou” – meaning God Bless You. I responded, "He already has and I say Mesi Jezi – Thank you Jesus!"

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

11 - Embracing The Providence Of God Who Is The Healer Of The Heart

This may be a challenging BLOG for some to read.  In my generation there are few extended families that have remained untouched by an unplanned pregnancy.  I know in our family that is the case.  It is a difficult issue to address without opening old wounds.  I have rewritten this several times.  Each time just did not seem adequate.  I don't intend to put words in my mom's mouth. But, I do want to give context, as best I can, to her notes and comments.  I still have not done this justice, but it is what it is.  I trust it will stir your heart and cause you to "look to the hills."

The first thing I saw was her circle around the sentence “Your parents may not have planned you, but God did.” ^{(p 22 note)} Like I said, this is a difficult subject.  The Elephant in the room.  In our culture, if the parents were not married or worse when the child was conceived, that has nothing to do with respect to the child’s character – their future – their value.  But unplanned does not mean that God is not sovereign.  Not intended should not mean not wanted, not accepted, or unloved. Although that may be true in our culture, in our families, it is not true from God's perspective.  And that is Good News!

The child is not responsible for the actions of the biological parents. What was mom thinking about when she read those words?  What was she feeling as she thought about her family?  What I hope is that she felt peace, comfort, assurance, love and compassion.  All of that from the heart of God.  (2 Corinthians 1:20) “For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.”  

The thing about the human heart is that when it is wounded, it does not heal in the same way as, say, a broken leg.  With a broken leg, approaching thunderstorms may cause that leg to ache some, but you don’t feel the pain of the fracture.  You can think about it, but try as you might, you cannot conjure up the feeling to relive or re-feel that moment. 

Not so with the heart.  One word might be enough for the emotional pain to rush back just like it was happening again.  The pain you feel is real.  But, in Christ, it does not have to be that way. The thing is, if you will let the Lord bind your wounds, (1 Peter 5:7) “Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you” (2 Corinthians 1:3) “God is the God of all comfort” there will be scars that remain on your heart, but they are scars, not wounds.  What you cannot do in your heart, God can and will do, if you let Him. 

Scanning the pages for second day to find mom’s comments and notations, I wonder what she might have been feeling as she read the words and made her annotations.  There were a lot of things that were not spoken of in our family. To discuss those things was taboo.  I think there are many families like that.  It’s easy to “throw verses at problems” as if you were throwing water on a fire.  The thing is, the Word is Truth and the Truth will set you free. (John 17:17, John 8:32) “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalm 42:5) The Word of God brings healing.

Mom had circled theses scripture references.  

1.     Psalm 139:15, “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth”.

2.     Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”

3.     Acts 17:26 “From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.”

She wrote her birthdate 1-29-25 in the margin.  Underlining the words “Choosing the exact time of my birth.” ^{(p 23 note)} God is sovereign. Romans 8:28 says "In all things He works for our good".  In the midst of trouble that’s hard to understand and perhaps even harder to accept.

At the bottom of the page she wrote: “when He was on the cross, I was on His mind.” 

Oh, what peace and assurance she must have felt. She had ministered to so many who struggled with their beginnings. What a great word it must have been.  Reminding her that God is a God of grace and mercy.  As Jesus said to the adulteress, “Woman where are your accusers … neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”  (John 8:11) 

God does not make excuses for sin, but He does forgive the sinner through faith in Jesus.  He is the “Healer Of The Heart”.  I think perhaps this was a very difficult chapter for my mom.  Mom, after her second beginning, had great compassion for people.  That compassion was birthed out of her love for God. Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  I believe that the psalmist was saying that when you focus on God and seek Him, He will change the passion of your heart to match His passion.  God had most certainly changed my mom’s heart, He changed mine, and He will change yours if you only ask Him and then let Him.  Pretty cool.

Note: Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

9 - Our Purpose From The Beginning All The Way To Eternity

We finally made it! Day 1.  The first thing out of the chute, the reference made was 2 Timothy 2:15 with the single word “Study”.  “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” In some translation the words are “be diligent” or “study”.  Her point was that she must be determined and focused if she was going to get the most out of reading this book. 

Rightly handling the “word of truth”.  Since God is the source of truth and the Word is truth (John 17:17).  It was important to her that anything that declares it is consistent with the Word or comes from God must be aligned with God’s revealed truth – His Word. 

By the way, I am going to focus primarily on what she underlined and her notes in the margins.  If I tried to address all of the highlighted text, then I would nearly have to rewrite the book which I doubt neither Rick Warren nor Zondervan would appreciate.

You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ. ^{(p 20 note)} When mom had asked me to read from the Bible while I was yet lost, she knew that I did not have the capacity to understand the spiritual truth of what I was reading.  Could I understand the words, yes, of course?  They can be easily found in the dictionary or today, you can “google” them.  But without Jesus as Lord, the spiritual context was lost.  Yes, the seed was planted in my heart, but the “soil” was not yet ready to allow it to grow.  Mom understood that who we are, who anybody is or was is derived from the Creator God.  To understand that requires spiritual restoration – a new beginning. To be restored Jesus must be Lord and only then can you discover your identity and purpose. 

You don’t get to choose your purpose. ^{(p 21 note)}  I have known plenty of people who have tried.  Many people suffer from “purpose envy”.  They see what others are doing and lust after that thing.  The problem is that God has not created them for it.  So they slip into the sin that plagued Adam.  They want to be god and decide for themselves. But by rejecting God’s best for them, they will never be satisfied.  Listen – anybody can preach from a pulpit – but not everybody is anointed by God to do it and without the anointing, there is no spiritual power.

Mom saw the big picture.  The eternal picture.  God’s grand design.  She understood that because of her new beginning, she had a part in it.  Both for the “here and now” and for the “then and there”.  And so do you if you know Jesus as Lord!

Note references : Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren Copyright © 2002 by Rick Warren. Use by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com

8 - On A Journey With A Purpose

Previous: A Lesson On How To Prepare Your Mind And Set Your Heart

There are a number of her annotations I do not understand because they make a reference to someone that mom knew and I did not. 

In this section, Rick Warren explains how to "Get the most out of this book".  Her first notation was to reference Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered,  two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  

She understood that it is a mistake for her to believe that she could "fly solo" without at least a co-pilot on board with her.  We all need someone with us for spiritual support. Mom had been a widow for a little over 3 years.  Her co-pilot, Don, had been "reassigned".  Now she found herself flying solo.  She understood the need to find someone who could encourage her in the faith.  This book could do that in part, but not fully.  I was doing that, in part, by giving the book to her.  

In the course of our ministry, particularly in Texas, Martie and I have met and ministered to a number of widows.  There is a common denominator among them. Their co-pilot is gone and very often they are left alone.  James 1:27 tells the Church to "visit the widows in their affliction".  Affliction goes far beyond a storm damaged home.  And visiting goes far beyond a phone call or hug on Sunday morning. If you are going to visit widows in their affliction it is going to cost you something. 

The question that mom had put parenthesis around on page 9 was "What am I here for?"  With Don gone she was struggling to find her purpose. The affliction that widows experience is very often unsung and all to often unnoticed.   On page 11, mom highlighted "A journey is always better when it is shared."  So what was she to do … mom and Don had been married 46 years when Don passed.  Martie and I have been married 46 years and we know how deep the relationship is for us, how should be for you and how unbelievably deep was with Mom and Don.  I wrote a song some time back ... more like a poem.  It was for my mom in the context of her great loss.  I want to share the lyrics with you, no melody yet.

"Eternal Love"  - sub-title "He's in God's Hands Now"

So you spend your life with the one you love
Then the Lord decides to call that one above

As years pass by, your heart remains true
And you say to the Lord, “Our love wasn’t through”

The loss that you feel is so hard to bear
You cry out to God “Lord – It’s just not fair” 

When you stand by the stone at his place of rest
You shout out to heaven … “Lord, Is this a test?”

You cry every night …. When you’re all alone
Seems the place where you live is no longer a home.

You hoped that your lives would end the same day
Then you ask the Lord  “Why wasn’t it that way?”

When God doesn’t answer, you think He don’t care.
You cry out in anger.. “God - Are you really there?”

One night in the darkness you hear a small voice.
“He was mine all along .. it wasn’t your choice.”

He’s with me now and one day you’ll be here
So be at peace my child you have nothing to fear.

When you’re absent from the body you’re present with the Lord
He had served me well, now he has his reward

The moment he left you … he was with Me
He’ll be walking these streets for eternity

I know your struggle, that you’re feeling alone
One day I’ll be sayin’ ….  “Daughter … time to come on home”

So Be at peace my child, be at peace
Be at peace

7 - A Lesson On How To Prepare Your Mind And Set Your Heart

Previous: The Giving Of The Book

Let’s first understand the framework in which Mom lived her new life - her second beginning.  The scripture references that she made on the pages preceding the beginning of the book revealed that framework.  Mom acknowledged the sovereignty of God and so should we.  She was seeking out God's wisdom before she started.  She wanted to know what God wanted her to learn.  Colossians 1:6 makes it clear that “all things were created by Him and for Him”. That does not leave any room for man's imagination. He is God and we are not – and we never can be no matter how much we want to be. (You can ask Adam and Eve about that.)

1 Kings 3:8-14 is about Solomon, but with respect to her life, she was saying that her heart is to serve her God in the place that He has purposed for her. Just like Solomon.  Just like us.  She longed for a wise and discerning heart, as should we. She was 78 and her heart was still beating with a desire to serve. Serving but not for her own benefit, rather for the good of others and God’s glory.

And  that is how she approached studying this book.  

Acknowledging God and understanding her place before Him.  Actually, it’s a great place for anyone to start. I suppose the best place to start this is with comments about what an awesome student of the Word my mom was.  Both she and Don would spend hours combing the Bible in search of its truths.  I still remember seeing Don at the kitchen table late at night, even after an exhausting day at work,  with his Bible and reference books out.  Mom was the same.  The Word shaped their thinking and their doing.  That is not to say she didn't struggle with the flesh- she did - just like the rest of us mortals.  But it was clear that the Spirit of God inhabited her heart and her love for God framed her living.

Thinking about it today, giving Mom a copy of "The Purpose Driven Life" was like giving a copy of "Jesus Loves Me" to one of the great hymn writers like Martin Luther or Charles Wesley or Isaac Watts.  That may be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.  When I gave the book to her, she had been a Christian for 34 years - had led many to Christ - discipled many more.  It was a nice gesture, but I really didn't think, given where she was in her walk with Jesus, that she would learn anything from it.  WRONG!

The truth is that we will never stop learning.  God is too deep.  His wisdom is too vast for us to get it all in one lifetime.  Not until we see Jesus face to face. Maybe!

(1 Peter 1:10-12) "Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things."

Not even the angels know and understand everything in Heaven.

OK back to the book.  When I opened it, before I even got to the first page of the first chapter, I could see that she was already engaged. 

As I pointed out earlier, on the inside cover she quoted; 

Colossians 1:16  -  God is sovereign 

1 Kings 3:8-14  - We need wise and discerning hearts.  

And on the page right before the title page she quoted;

Philippians 4:13 -  I can do all things through Christ

Philippians 4:8 - Think on the right things and the peace of God will be with you

Philippians 3:14-19 - Press on toward the goal. (The name of my Devotional BLOG is Pressing On - I did not know there was a connection until now)

Philippians 3:20 - Our citizenship is in heaven.

And that is the context that she would use as she read the Purpose Driven Life.  She wasn't even on the first page of text yet. Her approach gives me some idea about how I should approach everything that I do.  Always mindful of who God is and who I am. That is the attitude we should all have as we live out this life. 

I was just thinking about how many times I have taught a class and it was obvious that the people in the class had spent no time in preparation.  When they had workbooks, they were blank.  Not a smudge of ink.  Disappointing? Yes.  But more, I was saddened that they did not see personal study as important.  Those are the same ones who will wonder why their faith doesn't seem to help. I can hardly wait to share the nuggets I have found and the blessings that she left behind.

So hang on - there is more to come!

Next: A Journey With A Purpose

Who thinks I should write a book

A number of people, after reading something I have written … a devotional BLOG, a ministry update, among other things have encouraged me to write a book.  Martie seems to thing that is what the Lord wants me to do as well. And frankly so do I.  The problem is that I am struggling.   I have a lot of confidence about a lot of things.  But for some reason … this, I find, is intimidating.  It will require a significant amount of effort on my part.  I am already juggling several things.

So I have decided to put a fleece out.

I fully realize that this is my dilemma and not yours. But I appreciate hearing from the wisdom and council of others. Thanks ahead of time.  Your Facebook friend - Charley

5 - A New Beginning For Martie And Me

Previous: My Spiritual Dad's Second Beginning

This BLOG Is Not About Us, But ...

Although I have told you about my spiritual roots,  before I launch into the initial purpose for this BLOG which is to share my mom’s thoughts as she read the Purpose Driven Life, I think it appropriate to share about our own new beginning. Had we not had one, I would not even be typing these words.

Martie and I met in a Drug Store at a soda fountain when we were both 16.  She worked behind the counter, and I stopped by with my uncle when we were out making mattress and furniture deliveries. Martie and I  were both attracted to each other. To me she says because of my broad shoulders and the way my t-shirts fit me. Her because she was beautiful and is to this day. My shoulders are the same but the t-shirts don't fit quite the same.  But nothing came of it because we were both very shy.  

After I returned from Vietnam in 1970, I left the service to attend college.  The same uncle told me that his girlfriend had seen Martie on a bus and I should give her a call. Not being the shy young man anymore, I did.  Our first date was in May 1971.  We got married in January 1972.  I’ll do the math for you – 46 years ago. 

Martie was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools though high school.  You already know about me.  So, when we got married, we married in a Catholic church.  Frankly, I was lost and not interested in religion so where we got married did not matter to me. For our marriage counselling, the priest talked to me about buying a new mattress and told Martie her kids were going to hell since she was marrying outside of the church. Nice!  He filled out our marriage certificate with a  red felt-tip pen.  But I really didn’t care.  The girl behind the counter was now my bride!

We didn’t have much to do with church after we got married.  My folks would talk to us about the Lord and we would patiently listen to them.  My mom would have me read something from the Bible on occasion and ask me what it meant.  I told her that I knew what she was trying to do and it was not going to work.  And then I would tell her what I thought it meant.  Little did I know at the time that God’s word does not return void.  She was seed planting. 

After I completed junior college, we moved to Jacksonville Florida with our newborn daughter where I attended the University of North Florida.  We were poor as church mice, but the beach was free.  We attended a charismatic Catholic church now and again.  The priest was a missionary from Ireland and they played guitars during the singing.  Like my dad before me, I was using alcohol to self-medicate. A classmate, another Vietnam veteran, and I would go back to my apartment during lunch and together would drink a six-pack of Old Milwaukee. Then we would go back to class.  This while Martie was at work.  Our daughter was with a sitter.  I was so self-focused.  As a result, our marriage was rocky so we attended a Marriage Encounter retreat hoping something magic would happen.  The focus of the conference was on a triune relationship between the husband, the wife and God the Father.  I still recall a woman standing up to ask a question during the wrap-up meeting. She wanted to know how Jesus fit into the relationship since He was not talked about at all during the conference.  She said she was from a local Baptist church.  I don’t recall the seminar leader’s answer but am pretty sure he avoided answering her directly.  I thought “What is a Baptist doing here?  And wasn't that an odd question?"

I had joined the Army ROTC at UNF to get the $100 a month. I had no idea that something eternal would come of that.  I did very well in ROTC.  Became the Cadet commander and was promised any branch in the Army that I wanted.  I picked Artillery - cannons.  They gave me Armor – tanks. So much for "anything I want". Proverbs 16:9 says that “men make plans in their hearts but God orders their steps”  What I thought was a mistake was really God at work. Later we would say "God makes the assignments MILPERCEN (military personnel center) just cuts or prints the orders."

After I graduated and received my commission in 1976, I was sent to Fort Knox to learn how to be an Armor officer.  Being that I was a "butter-bar", a brand new second lieutenant and I had a family, we had to live off-post in town.  Because we had to look for a house that we could afford, we asked my folks to watch our daughter for a week.  They lived about 6 hours away.  They kindly agreed, so we drove to Peoria, Illinois over the weekend.  At that time, my folks were attending Grace Presbyterian Church.  The pastor was Dr. Bruce Dunn.  They asked us to go to church with them.  Since they were watching our daughter we felt obligated to go.  Dr. Dunn was preaching on “How To Be Born Again”. It was a 2 part sermon.

We listened to the first part and returned to Fort Knox after lunch.  The next weekend we made the trip back to Peoria to fetch our daughter.  Since we were there, we were invited to attend church – again.  We agreed feeling obligated.  We were used to my folks persistence about faith in Jesus. But, we had no intention of yielding to their urgings.  We listened to the second part of the sermon, ate lunch and headed back to Kentucky.

Neither Martie nor I talked all the way back to our house.  When we got back I could not sleep.  Martie asked me what was wrong.  I said, “I have decided to do something that will change our relationship.”  She told me later that she thought I was going to ask for a divorce.  But instead I said, “I have decided to ask Jesus into my heart - to put my faith in Him as my savior.” She said, “Did you think that I might want to do that too?” The answer that went unspoken was, "No, I had not".  We both knelt down next to the bed and prayed, just like Pastor Dunn had told us. We both experienced our second beginning together just like Mom and Don had 7 years prior. Of course, we called them immediately that night and they rejoiced with us. They prayed with us and sent us a "new beginnings starter kit" - Bibles, devotionals and a Navigator Topical Memory System.

That was the beginning of a great adventure. There is so much more to tell, but this BLOG is not about us.  Some people have suggested that I write a book – perhaps I will – but for now, the focus is on recapturing a missed opportunity with my mom and gleaning from the spiritual wisdom she left as a legacy between the lines of the Purpose Driven Life. So, let’s get on with that.

Oh, one last thought, something to consider.  You can't save anyone.  Only Jesus can do that.  But don't lose hope.  Don't let that be the reason that you stay silent when the Spirit urges you to speak - to tell someone about Jesus.  My folks did not give up on us.  New beginnings are personal - between the Lord and each person. But you have a God-given purpose.  Fulfill it.

Next: The Giving Of The Book