6 - The Giving Of The Book

Previous: A New Beginning For Martie And Me

Finding Spiritual Wisdom Between The Lines

The book by Pastor Rick Warren, "The Purpose Driven Life", has been pivotal in my walk of faith.  It has helped me understand how God has prepared Martie and me for serving and living as  Christians.  There really is nothing new in the book, but Pastor Warren was able to amalgamate bits and pieces of truth about the practical context of faith and the mind of God in such a way that the result was clarity, a beautiful tapestry of truth and wisdom.  What he did was much like what military intelligence analysts do.  They take a jumble of information, analyze it, assimilate it, connect the dots if you will and produce actionable intelligence. A new form that allows the commanders to understand and to make appropriate decisions.

In the same way, Pastor Rick did that with the timeless truths associated with our faith in Jesus.  Like the question that Dr. Francis Schaeffer posed in the title of his book, “How Should We Then Live?” Pastor Rick said this is God’s purpose for us and this is how we should respond.

As I said, the book was pivotal in my life.  It helped me understand how God shaped me for His purpose.  I understood His sovereignty in a new, more personal way.  In the winter of 2003 I suffered a DVT and pulmonary embolism.  You hear a lot about them today, but back then, not so much.  At any rate, the cardiologist said there was no good reason why I was not dead because of the severity of the embolism.  But there was a good reason.  On day 40 of the book, there are 40 days of reading in PDL, the scripture reference is Acts 13:36.  “After David had fulfilled God’s purpose in his generation, he slept with his fathers.”  Having survived the DVT and resulting embolism, I told Martie, “I apparently have not fulfilled God’s purpose for me in my generation.  Until that happens, like David, I am not going anywhere.  And once I have fulfilled God's purpose, as with David, no one can keep me here.”

As it happened, I gave a copy of the book to my mom as a birthday present on her 78^th birthday. I thought she might like to see what the book was about.  I had no idea that she would study it as she did.  After her passing in November 2010, the book was returned to me.  I had not seen it since I gave it to her.  And I had not opened it until  this past week when I took it off of the shelf to bring back to Texas with us.  Frankly I thought it was my copy. Was I surprised when I opened it and saw the writing on the inside cover.  It was as if I had discovered a treasure that had been untouched and disregarded sitting either in a box or on a shelf, within my reach, for the past 8 years.  My mom was a student of the Word of God.  I realized that I had a unique opportunity to glean her wisdom and the musings of her heart from her notations on the pages of this book. Then I thought, “I can be her voice these many years after her passing.  I can bless others even while I am being blessed by sharing her thoughts with as many as will read it."

So let the journey begin!

Next: A Lesson In How To Prepare Your Mind And Set Your Heart

4 - My Spiritual Dad's Second Beginning

Previous: Mom After Jesus - Her Second Beginning

My Biological Father Is Not My Spiritual Father

One of the challenges of blended families is that they are not in the blender long enough to be blended thoroughly.  For us it was not that there is a lack of love, in our case our step dad loved us and took care of us as if we were his own.  But there was a glass blood-line wall that we would bump into now and again.  One of the ways that a husband and wife relationship is bound together through the children birthed from that relationship.  For the other children in the blended family,  whether from the former marriage of the husband or the wife they are not part of that union.  It is a divide that is not spoken of and oft’ denied if it is.  I can remember when I was in grade school, one of my brothers saying out of anger “You are not my brother!”  It didn’t really bother me because I knew he was just doing his best to be a jerk, It is what brothers do!  But my mom came unglued over it.  That was the only time in my recollection that she stood in my defense.

I am not seeking sympathy here.  I want to emphasize just how difficult it is to find balance in a blended family.  How impossible it is to undo what has been done.  How very often the kids are expected to stuff their emotions which only leads to bitterness and resentment.

So that is the context in which my step-dad tried to be the best father figure he could be.  He taught me my work ethic.  He modeled a sense of humor that is an integral part of me today. So what about his new beginning. He was good and kind.  I can remember that he would take time, as tired as he was from working hard six days a week and play whiffle-ball with us in the back yard.

I knew that he had surrendered his life to the Lord around the same time that mom had.  I knew about his passion for Jesus and for sharing the Gospel wherever he went.  I knew that he discipled young men and women through their church and through a ministry that they started in their home. They called that ministry Pathfinder and, yes, that is the derivation of the name for our ministry. He passed into the presence of Jesus in November 28, 1999.  But to talk about his rebirth I need to start in 1951.

He was, is, and always will be a Marine.  Just ask anyone who served in the Corps, they will tell you “Once a Marine – always a Marine”  He had joined the USMC Reserves after WW2 and found himself in Korea.  While there he met a Chaplain.  In the Marine Corps chaplains and medics are Navy. The Chaplain’s name was Hank Austin.  (I shared this story with a group of Navy Chaplains some years back to encourage them in their ministry as part of our work with Campus Crusade for Christ Military Ministry and Military Missions Network.  I may share that in a later post) At any rate, on July 17, 1951 Chaplain Austin gave him a small bible which he carried in his left breast pocket for the rest of the war. On the inside cover was the inscription John 1:12  which reads “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”  

I believe that Chaplain Austin, who happened to be a Baptist preacher, planted a seed on that day.  That seed finally sprouted in 1969 and bore much fruit for the kingdom. You never know how God will use you in the faith journey of someone else.  I doubt that Chaplain Austin would have remembered Dad for long after he moved on to the next foxhole.  There were so many Marines that needed to be encouraged and pointed to Jesus.  When the Lord prompts you to do something – do it!  Don’t baulk.  Don’t think that maybe you will do it at a more convenient time.  Today is the appointed time.  Today is the day of salvation.

When my mom told him that she was going to give her heart to Jesus, she said that he left the house.  She didn’t know what was going to happen.  A little while later he returned.  He said to her “Let’s do this together!”  And they did.  He was one of the most compassionate and patient people I have ever known. He loved the word of God.  When you asked him a question, he would take you to the Bible and say "Let's see what the Bible has to say about that."  (2 Timothy 3:16) He was like the Maranatha song says  - "a man of the Spirit - a man of the Word."

Me, Martie, and Don

Don was my spiritual father.  He showed me what right looks like when it comes to living for Jesus and not being ashamed.  He wouldn't let me call him Dad.  I asked once if it would be OK and he said that I had a dad and should respect him.  But, what blood could not bind together .. the Spirit of God bound together for eternity.  The glass wall was shattered just like the curtain in temple was torn.  All three sons have a new DNA – in fact, the entire family has a new DNA.  A common DNA.  We don’t need a genealogy report to tell us where our roots are.  We are not blended together anymore – we are one in Christ. I know that the Father is conforming me into the image of the Son (Romans 8:29) , but I figure if I can just be like Don, well that would be something now, wouldn't it?

Next:  A New Beginning For Martie and Me

3 - Mom After Jesus - Her Second Beginning

Previous: The First Beginning - My Mom Before Jesus

For those of you reading this who knew my mom after the second beginning but not before, you may be having difficulty picturing the woman I described earlier. My comments and recollections were not borne out of judgment, merely observation.  My mom’s life, before Jesus, was characterized by behavior characteristic of those who are NOT born again by the Spirit of God through faith in Jesus.  

Galatians 5:19-21 “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

But after Jesus, there was a remarkable change in her life.  This is what the Word says is characteristic of those who have been born again, walking in obedience to the Word of God and yielded to the leading of the Spirit of God.

Galatians 5:22-23 “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control.”

Before Jesus, my mom was merely living in a way that was consistent with her nature.  Just like the rest of us. Our lives all play the same song.  The tune is the same just with slightly different lyrics. That can be said both before and after we meet Jesus.  

As a child, my parents exposed me to a plethora of religious beliefs and practices.  Before he remarried, my dad had me baptized in an Episcopal church when I was 5 or 6 during one of the visitation weekends that we four children would spend with him.  When he remarried – his wife attended a Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall … and so we switched from an Episcopal church to a Kingdom Hall.  Later they transitioned to a Spiritualist church. During the service, mediums would communicate with the dead and relay messages to members in attendance.  I can distinctly remember  the congregation singing  “God I believe, God I believe, All things are possible, God I believe.”  They had to if they really thought they were actually talking with dearly departed uncle Harry.  When my mom found out she told us we could not attend that church any more.  For most, if not all, of her married life, she was what is known as a non-practicing Catholic.  My Baptist brothers would call her a backslider!  So as an alternative to having conversations with dead people, she had me attend my step-dad’s church, the First Church of Christ Science (Christian Scientist).   Out of the frying pan and into the fire!

After high school I joined the Army.  While I was serving in the Mekong Delta of Vietnam in 1969 and 1970 as a radio operator, I would write letters home. They call that snail mail today.  I don’t remember when the change in the letters from home happened exactly, but I started receiving letters from my mom that referred to Jesus.  I remember thinking that she had become a Jesus freak.  That is a term used during the Jesus movement of the 60’s and 70’s.  When I returned home, I returned to a place that was unknown to me.  My mom was not the same woman and my step dad was not the same man I had left.  In fact, the three younger children were also changed.  But I still remembered what my mom was like before I left.  I remembered that my step dad would drink long-necks on Friday night while he watched the Friday night fights.  I remembered that my mom had stashed a bottle of Sloe Gin above the stove along with her Kent cigarettes.  I knew that it was only a matter of time before the “old mom” would be exposed.  Was I surprised when she threw my six pack of beer in the trash and broke my albums in half because they used the Lord’s name in vain.  Then one day, my bags were on the porch.  No yelling … no anger … just “Go find another place to live.”  By the way, I knew I deserved it.  I was trying to provoke her.  Didn’t work out the way I thought.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says the old has passed and the new has come.  But I didn’t understand it, I thought it they were acting.  That was because I was spiritually blind.  (1 Corinthians 2:14) “The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” The change in my family made me feel even more distant and disconnected than I had before.  

Years later my mom shared her conversion story with me.  It seems that she had started reading the Bible while she laid out in the back yard to get a tan.  She was reading the book of John chapter 1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.”  She said that she suddenly understood for the first time that Jesus – the Word – was and is God.  The Holy Spirit was at work in her, bringing conviction of the truth.  She prayed by faith to receive eternal life through Jesus and her life was changed forever.  

That was her second beginning.  What was cool is that not long after, my step dad also prayed the prayer of faith followed by my two brothers and my baby sister.  

By this time all four of the older children had already left home.  Understandably the four of us were skeptical and doubted the reality of her conversion. We were waiting confidently that the old-mom would soon show herself.  She couldn’t keep this charade up forever.  But, the old mom never showed her face again because what we did not understand was the old-mom had been crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20).

Mom told me that she prayed that all of her children would put their faith in Jesus.  And now, today – all seven of us are saved.  She also shared her faith with her brothers and sisters.  She was so concerned that they were trusting religion and not Jesus for redemption and eternal life.  And they were.  She wanted them to know Jesus like she knew Jesus.  While not all of them accepted Jesus,  many did.  She had an incredible, eternal impact on the future generations of our family.  

Mom and Me

She was a student of the Word.  She memorized the first chapter of John.  She studied it.  She taught it.  She served others. She discipled younger Christians.  She had godly wisdom. And she expressed her love for me, to me.  When you meet Jesus your life is changed.

This part of the story will not be complete if I don’t share about my step-dad’s second beginning.  That he would one day be my spiritual father. Greater than the natural one.  You see a natural father can give you 80 or 90 years of life on this planet.  Your spiritual father will lead you to Jesus and show you how to live for eternity with your heavenly Father. I will share how that happened in another post.

Next:  My Spiritual Dad's Second Beginning …

2 - The First Beginning - My Mom Before Jesus

Previous: A Story About My Mom And My Spiritual Journey

As a preface .. I will tell you that this is not an exposé about my mom … instead it’s my hope that you see yourself as you read about her.  This is about a magnificent transformation.  In order to do that I must reopen some old wounds .. but I am trusting that God will use that to minister to someone who needs hope and assurance.

I should start at the beginning.  But there are really 2 beginnings. The first one is natural and the second supernatural.  My mom was certainly not perfect. Well perhaps she is today in the presence of our Lord, but in the first beginning while walking this earth she was lost and bound for hell just like the rest of the world.  And after she was born again by faith,  she was a cracked and chipped jar of clay, just like the rest of those who call Jesus Lord and have experienced their own second beginning. Not perfect by any means but sanctified and being conformed into the image of the Son. I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s go back to the first beginning.

My mom was one of 15 children.  Her mother was from Ireland – staunch in her Catholic faith.  Her father was from Germany – with respect to faith .. not so much.  My grandfather worked for the railroad.  The family was poor.   I recall a story about the first time mom was asked to recite the alphabet in first grade.  She stood and recited the alphabet and the whole class laughed at her.  You see, her father had taught her the German alphabet.  Mom didn’t finish the 8^th grade.  Not that she couldn’t have, she was very intelligent, but duties at home demanded that she leave school in favor of caring for brothers and sisters.

When she was 18, she met a man and got married. She was desperate to escape her life. To get out of that house.  Like so many before and after her, she did not choose marriage for love or commitment but to escape a life that she resented.  Doing the right thing for the wrong reason typically does not end well.  The man she married,  my biological father.  Dad was drafted into the Army during WW2 and fought in Europe in Pattton’s 3^rd Army.  (An interesting aside. I served on 3^rd Army Staff – Aviation Operations in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia during Desert Shield/Desert Storm.)  When my dad returned from the war, he used alcohol to deal with his PTSD.  That eventually resulted in my mom divorcing him, but not until they had three girls and a boy (that would be me).  She had a miscarriage or there would have been five of us.  I remember mom visiting a grave but was too young to understand that was my sister.

After the divorce, Mom, with four kids in tow, moved into subsidized/welfare housing – it was called “the Housing”  on the southwest side of town.  Although my dad never stopped drinking he got it under control. He was very bright, a hard worker and worked his way through an engineering program.  He was a design engineer for Caterpillar until he had a stroke at 42 years old.  I am taking a moment to focus on this because broken marriages are the norm today.  Don’t deceive yourself in thinking that “the kids will be OK”.  Divorce may be necessary for a number of reasons , but that does not mean that the children are not emotionally scarred because of it.  God ordained that the man and woman should be one. But because of sin, the relationship is corrupted.  Although vows are said in the ceremony, very often obedience and commitment to God has nothing to do with it.  The result?  Well, just take a look around.

My mom carried a lot of guilt because of the divorce.  I can remember talking to her one day, I think I was in high school. I wanted to share how I felt about their divorce. ( I think that most children hope that one day their parents will get back together.  Unfortunately, it seems that hope is almost always an impossibility) She became angry and told me to stop trying to make her feel guilty.  Strong message .. don’t tell people how you feel .. they don’t want to hear it.  Be careful how you respond to your children and others.

Mom remarried when I was four.  She met a guy in a bar.  They married and had three children . .so that made seven all told.  He did a great job of taking care of us. Making sure we had food, clothes and a roof over our heads.  He got us out of the housing into a home.  1200 square feet  with three bedrooms and one bathroom.  With three older sisters occupying the bathroom before school, outside the bathroom door is where I first learned to dance!  I will write more about my second dad later.  Mom had a temper.  It seemed there was always a lot of yelling,  mom and my older sisters. Door slamming. Face slapping.  Crying.  Profanity.  The blend of Irish and German makes for an interesting concoction.  When we were living in the Housing – we lived there until I was 6 years old, I can remember sitting on the porch chewing on soap. That was because I had used some words that little boys should not be using. Words that I am fairly certain I learned from my mom. The same mom who gave me the soap to eat.  Parents your children are watching you. Their values are caught not taught.

In my recollection, my mom was not affectionate toward the four older children while we were living at home.  I can remember the ritual before we went to bed … we would all go to mom to say good night.  She would kiss the three younger ones.  When it was my turn, she turned her cheek so I could kiss her on her cheek.  I don’t ever remember my mom kissing me.  What I do remember is her telling me “Stop that – you remind me of your father.”  The message was clear … you are not like the other three .. I don’t love you as much … don’t be like your father … he was no good and you are acting just like him.  Pastor Rick Warren said “Hurt people hurt people.”  It’s true … but he also said “God never wastes a hurt” and that is likewise true.  I know my mom loved me but the hurt from her first marriage was like a dark cloud that kept her from expressing it.

And now, like Paul Harvey would say … "now for the rest of the story" … Good News! There is a second beginning.

Next: Mom After Jesus - Her Second Beginning

1 - A Story About My Mom And My Spiritual Heritage

Well.   Here I am sitting at the keyboard once again.   I have a compulsion to write.   I already write devotional BLOG posts nearly every weekday.   And, I have been told I should  write a book on a number of occasions.   I actually have a number of "reasonable" reasons why I have not, but in actuality I have started the book no less than 4 times.  Then life always seems to get in the way.  

Recently Martie, my wife, and I returned home from the mission field to visit with our children over the 4^th of July holiday.   Some dear friends of ours asked if we would like to spend a few days in the beach house before we returned to our disaster relief work in Texas.   Since it was on our way back to Texas we said yes.   Before we left the house I pulled a couple books from the shelf to read during our retreat amongst the pine trees on Dauphin Island, Alabama.   One was a Bible that I have had since about 1989.   The other .. a copy of The Purpose Driven Life by Pastor Rick Warren.   That book proved to be pivotal in my life .. just before we fully committed to serving on the mission field in 2004.

When I opened the book, I noticed that it was, in fact, the copy I had given my mom on Jan 29, 2003 for her birthday.   I received it back after her passing in November 2010.   As I thumbed through the book, I noticed text she had highlighted and underlined.   There are also a number of reflective comments.   I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of missed opportunity.   There were 7 years between the giving of the book to her to the giving back to me … that I missed. I wish today that I could sit with her and ask her about the highlights, the underlines and the comments.   She was one of the godliest women that I have known .. married to one of the godliest men I have ever known.  I count it a privilege to be called her son. So let's get on with it shall we?  The story begins …. 

Next: The Beginning … My Mom Before Jesus